My Pieces

You know me
and i know you
And through our life
i spent my time giving you pieces of me
hoping that maybe someday, for the first time in my life i would be an entire being.
A whole piece.
not just parts, but i would be entire. you would put me together.
first i gave you my tounge
my words
i let you hear me.
and you held it. like a gift straight from your gods themselves.
and you loved it.
Next i gave you the vision of me.
you looked at me.
and you saw me. you looked past scars. and black and white.
you saw me. And you stared at me. like i may disapere if you took your eyes away.
you saw me.
and you loved it.
then i gave you my thoughts.
I set into your hands, the thing that i was to embarrassed to show anybody else.
you held it, and you contained the wiild things living in those thoughts.
you tamed the thoughts.
and you loved them.
And one day i gave you my heart.
YOu smiled at me. and you loved me. my heart was yours.
you took care of it.
you were glad i gaev it to you.
youd wanted it for so long.
and it was yours.
and you loved me.
then one day i gave you my body.
I was scared.
but you held me.
and you told me you were scared to.
but you looked at me.
and i wasnt scared.
you held me, you loved me. you were happy. you wanted me happy.
and you loved it.
Finally i gave you my life.
I told you that you were the end.
you were where i wanted to be.
you told me that we were meant to be.
and yo ugave me your life too.
and we took our lives.
and we were careful wit them
we loved them.

But one night, you dropped all these pieces you had been holding.
You watched them fall, and you started to reach for them...
but something stopped you.
you stopped reaching.
you watched the pieces roll away.
you watched them fal int oa river
and you watched them get farther and farther away.
you watced but you didi nothing.
and i stood on the otehr side of the river, and i watched you.
i didnt care about the pieces.
i Watched you.
But i saw you were hurt.
But i aslo saw that you never looked across the river.
I felt tears roll from my eyes.
i felt them soak the ground i where i stood.
and i watched you watch my pieces.
with no tears, no frown.
just nothing.
i Watched you.
and felt your piece i had held onto so dearly, i felt it fall to the ground.
I lurched for it. it was too fast and i was too slow.
i ran after it.
i cought it.
I took it in my arms
and i held it tight.
i wouldnt let it fall away.
i had to keep it safe.
I looked up towards you again.
but you had already started walking away.
I called for you, but you wouldnt turn around.
yOu kept walking.
Finally i just watched you
you walking away.
and i cried.
i cried
i cried.

If I Die by Morning

If i die in the morning, i want to die in your arms.
I want to be by your side
Feel you skin next to mine.
And when you wake, and my chest is stone and still,
Know that i will be gone.
From dawn until dusk.
But light a candle for me at night,
And i shall see the light
I will find you through the dark
Even when your sad, and you cannot see me
I want you to smile, and know that im watching you still.
Know that im not gone yet, that im following in your prints.
I walking right behind you, because i cant leave you yet.
I know life was meant to end, and i knew this day would come.
But i still cant shake the feeling,
that we've still more time to run.
So i will stay here with you,
untill your time comes too.
And then we shall part ways, and i shall loose you.
For although im going upwards to my king, my father, and my lord.
I know im not going with you.
For you lords and my king. are different not the same.
And death was not so bad, for i could still feel you.
But your death brings nothing.
It just means me losing my life,
the one that lived without me.
but now we are apart.
the ones that were meant to love forever.
for thats what lovers are.
right?
together?
forever?
but not us.
not for you
not for me
we were meant to loose
to have and then choose
to love your gods
or to love my god
but instead we never chose
and now we are not with you
and not with me
your gone and now im dead
dead like not before
my life that lived without me.
is gone and wont return
no matter how many candles are left outside to mourn
for the sun is finally rising
and my death comes again
now im dieing in the morning
and i'll never feel your arms.

Layered face.

Because i couldnt see your face underneath the layers. what layers you ask? These layers.
1. The top layer you use to cover your skin, you pile on makeup, so that nobody can see the flaws of the physical you. The flaws that you think make you look like a hideous monster. The flaws that actually only you can see.
2. The next layer is the layer that you use to hide what your thnking. You use the cocky, self-ritious look to disguise that your really selfconcious to a point where you dont think you deserve to be alive.
3. This is the layer you use to hide your mind. Use it to make it seem like your not a geek. You use it to make yourself seem like the blonde from the movies, you know the one. The one that is always the one being clumsy or a ditz.
4. This layer you use to hid your heart. This one hides what your heart knows. So that you can hurt others, just to get a laugh from your friends. But truly you feel that its wrong, your heart screams it, but you ignore it, becuase this layer hides your heart.
5. This is your last layer. this one hides you soul. The soul that you dont dare show to anybody, for fear of what they may think. its the thing you desire to hide most from everyone. YOur soul. YOur scared of what they will think of your soul.
Take off your layers, so i may see your face. So i may see your thoughts, your mind, your heart, see your soul. Take them off. Shed them like a snake. bare yourself to the world. Because when you hide nobody sees you.

Patience is a virtue...

So i havn't put anything new up here.
Why?
Well because when i think of stuff i tend to be away from my computer...and when i attempt to recreate my thoughts, emotion is lacking, or flat out gone. And I prefer to not put things up wit ha false emotion. I enjoy the way words leak feeling, and cry out. So i wil continue to not post false emotion posts. So if theeee gets impatient, then theeee must breath deep, enjoy the world, and not give up hope on me. For i havn't given up on you....

Love on the young side...

Im really not understanding. Why the hell does every child in school feel he need to tell every single person they date, that tehy love them, want to be with them forever and never want to loose them...because they make them soooo happy. ?? i dont understand it. Because first off i doublt you love them, you most likely wont marry them, and you are proly going to looses them.
YVOSDIgb;kjhdvf;dhvns;v!!!

I dont get it. is it because they are stupid? i dont think so, because nobody is stupid, so you cant say that. Is it because they are childish? maybe. or is it because its just what you do.
is that what all the kids these days are doing? WHy wasnt i told this? Was it a secret? a message sen to everyone but me? i dont understand. huh, tis a thing to ponder.

Staring

I dont like the question.
the question that they say has no wrong answer.
But everyone knows that there is a right answer. And if you dont know it...well then why bother even answering.
But the funny thing is the answer that everyone thinks is right, reall is wrong. And the answer that you, you the different one. And you the one that tey thought was wrong, the one they thought was odd. you were the right one.
And now when they all answer th "right" answer. Grinning their foolish grins that all look the same. And you break their line, shatter their grins and give the right answer. your right answer. you can stare into their eyes. Not in anger or hate. Not even in competition. But in a way that says, "Im not you, Im not going to be you, and thats why i can answer the right answer. and not the "right"answer."
Thats what you can say. Say with your stare.
Thats what i said.

Dear My Love...

Dear My Love,
Today i wanted to cry. I wanted to lay down and weep like a sky split by God. Like i was crying out all the pain i had ever had in my life. But i cant.
i cant cry. Cant because i need you. Need you so much. I miss you.
I lay awake at night waiting, hoping that maybe i will hear a creak and then a rock hit my window, and to look down and see you standing there.
Or maybe the phone will ring and it will be you, asking me to pack a bag and meet you at the end of my driveway.
I smile all day.
But inside im screaming. Screaming because i can feel us falling apart. But it goes away when we see each other again. But thats the problem. If we only see each other one day everyweek i cant breathe. im screaming for you. SCREAMING.
cant you hear me calling you. I need you so bad.
So please come see me.
Come hold me.
Tell me its ok.
Kiss my forehead.
Wrap your arms around me.
lay me down.
press your skin to mine.
take my hand
place it on your heart
as you place yours on mine.
you caress my skin.
and the screaming stops.
the tears fall.
but not long
because i know its all going to be ok. I just need to lay with you. And you wont leave, because you love me. And i love you.
I will be waiting for you, tonight as i lay in my bed...not sleeping. I will be listening for you.